Life on loan
Do not blame me for plagiarism, my dear reader. This is not the story from the classics literature, and, alas, not a plot for a romantic movie. This is the story happening with dear to my heart person. I cannot remain indifferent, but I cannot influence another person. She doesn't read this blog and, alas, no longer hears me. She already doesn't hear anyone.
Why did I decide to write this story here? Because of you, reader.
There is nothing worse than debt. Loans and other monetary debts are a pit where everything that a person earns, all his energy of movement, all growth goes. Everything goes to that pit, a bottomless, swamp debt pit. There are people who borrow not only money. They borrow someone else's life. And this is very scary, because once you have to return the loans back. Unlike money, the amount of debt from life on loan cannot be counted, and this makes the debt even worse. The debt pit of life is a black hole that sucks in and carries away a person and his whole life. You take a fragment, but you will give everything that you have. A life on loan always leads to death.
But all looks like very differently at first. We're not asking another: borrow me your life, I will live it. We just see a PICTURE: just a projection of someone else's life and begin to want it. Seems, there's nothing bad in it. The one travels a lot, posts nice pictures from traveling. He can afford it or, for example, the company pays for his business trips and he manages to walk around the sights. Someone will look, be glad, press like and will return to their world, throwing a picture out of their heads. But someone would want the same that they will lose the pease and slumber, will concentrate all forces, overshadow everything just for the sake of the picture. Sense of purpose? Yes, that’s not bad. Sense of purpose? Yes, that’s not bad. If the goal is achieved easily and without sacrifices - and only yet the goal is achieved without sacrifices. Until people, who pull the time and money needed for a dream,for a picture, to achieve a cherished goal in life, are not thrown out of life for the sake of achieving a goal. Until the desired picture absorbs all thoughts and becomes the goal number 1. When, in order to get a picture from someone else's, “normal” life, fragments from his own are thrown out - that means the time has come for reckoning. This means that the black hole is already taking its toll and is slowly sucking out human life. Traveling is just an example, reader. Everything that we see on social media that friends and colleagues flaunted, we fit into the concept of “normal life” and try to adjust our life to, which suddenly turned out to be out of trend. We pull various sagging with all our strength and we can’t hold everything - we pull here, but on the other side a hole destroys what was really ours, what was real.
I had a friend. She was a good person, tender, kind. And here's the trouble: her husband was not good, they divorced. But she wants a man by her side. She thought that all have man but her. Her acquaintances said that it’s ubnormal for a woman to be alone, that a clever and beautiful woman should look for a man necessarily - this is the only thing that she's missing. And she wants! Cause, it’s normal with a man, but abnormally without. And she wants it so much that it doesn’t matter which man: the main thing is the pants, the fact that the man is at hand. She found one. He had been robbing her and beating her. Had he been getting her drunk? I don’t know, but I think that her drunkenness began to his advantage, because under the alcohol she was returning him, and forgiving, and closing her eyes to everything. The further the more. He had been pulling out of her the money needed by the business, working capital. She borrowed more and more, drank more and more. Departures-returns of pants, constant drunkenness, solving his problems - all this began to occupy all her time. She could not work, and soon ceased to appear. She rescheduled meetings, ignored negotiations. When he was leaving, she was sitting on dating sites, looking for new adventures. Was drinking. When she was drinking herself to death she was returning that thief back.
At the moments of sobering up the text was the same:
“Now I see everything clearly, I don’t want it like that anymore, no, I’ve gave up drinking, drove the man out, and this time for sure,” she was saying. But as day passed it became harder. Friday flew in, took off borders and restrictions, it seemed to bring permission to get drunk - cause it is the weekend. And everything was returning to its path.
To my question, why did she need all this again, she was replying:
- I really want a normal family, a child!
That thief did leave. When there was nothing left to steal, when the black hole of someone else's normal life began to take away fragments of her real life: the business was bursting at the seams, the apartment was sold for debts. We thought here is the bottom. But no, we heard knocking from below: another man appeared when she already had nothing.
And the black hole again took its toll: they crashed the car, which helped to earn money, to drive to objects. They were drunk. The second pantsman also liked that a woman doesn’t interfere with drinking, suck beer in the morning in liters. He pours to her, she drinks and does not forbid him. Only he has a bottle of beer, and she is a liter of wine. Or vodka. And he was allowed to not go to work. She began to take out valuable things, equipment, and sell from the office. Nothing remained of her personality. This is it: there's no person anymore.
"I want a normal family!" she said.
And what is abnormality of your family? There is a mother, there is a daughter, there is work, there is a house, there is a car. Daughter is already over 20, soon you'll have grandchildren - why is your daughter something not a child all of a sudden? Why is your mother not a family? And who has suggested that the one who hits or gets you drunk is a normal family? And whom, God forgive me, can you give birth when you are over 40, and you drink and eat everything in a row, and because of the way of life you have a hormonal imbalance and obesity already at a critical stage? And what will your family live for if the pantsman does not work, robbing you, and you killed the business because of drunkenness and theft? Is this a reasonable price for the presence of a dick in the pants? Tell me, reader, is this a "normal" version of life? There was a house, there was a family. And now there is nothing. There is a physical shell of a person, but no personality. The debt pit sucked all life out of a person, flooded the mind with alcohol. Daughter turned away, friends turned away, business is over, no money, nowhere to live. Mother in her arms. Drinking from morning to morning. Phones are disconnected, customers are cheated on money. Rental housing.
Tragedy. Scary. Bitterly.
You my ask, why am I writing here, and I’m not saying all this to her? I spoke, asked, persuaded, reassured, threatened. I was saying, the Friend was saying, God was warning: thoughts about the man should not to be allowed - otherwise it will be bad, very bad.
I want to scream: who says to you people what is “normal life”? Other people? Those who are already lost their count in skeletons in the closets? Listen to me, people! Enough! Pplease stop pulling on yourself the alien framework of normality, the alien fate. This is someone else's life - not yours. Your lives should not lead to drunkenness, abortion, sick children, homelessness, debt, drugs, divorces, beatings, accidents and prisons. If it did, that means that you didn’t live your own life, you borrowed someone else’s. Not asked from God. But from the one you call the universe.
It is not the universe that hears you and the earthly wishes fulfills, this is a lie, my dear reader. You take a fragment of someone else's normal life, and you give your life and soul to the devil. Forever. The calculation is quick, the rate is the highest.
God, and not an incomprehensible and abstract universe, knows what you need even before your ask. And He takes one payment: living faith. That living faith does good things, fulfills the Commandments and tries not to sin, but repents of his deeds. And He will give, you even do not ask, He will give everything. All what is good for you. Everything that does not kill, but makes you stronger: more merciful, kinder, more generous, calmer...
Do not blame me for plagiarism, my dear reader. Life on loan is not a new phenomenon, and not invented by me. But is so aptly called by the classic of post-war literature. Why is this story here? Because, I hope, you still hear me. And because, perhaps, you are trying to pull someone else's "normal" life on yourself. Here and now I'm begging you to stop! And it doesn’t matter what you have: if it doesn’t kill you, it means from God. Take it and give thanks. Throw out which is not yours. Go and live - your own, tailored in size, yours, real, God-given to YOU life.